Sunday, 16 December 2007

to the shops i must go.....

i have been in denial
merrily going along imagining that i have ages before Christmas
carefully packing customers parcels full of Christmas gifts and goodies, thinking happy thoughts and hoping that their family and friends like the gifts they have chosen

it was only this morning when i woke with a slight feeling of doom that i realised


i think part of the denial is the fact that i miss my best friend Annie so very much - it had become a tradition that we would set off for the day at Bluewater, lists in hand and plenty to chat about on the way.
we laughed that each year we managed to park so easily outside M&S, find all our gifts, do a little shopping for us and have lunch at Carluccios.
we took a number of trips back to the car to deposit gifts and then turned with weary but happy feet back to the shops.

i have never, and will never again have a friend and soul mate like Anne.
we instinctively knew each other, we shopped in complete harmony, we rarely became annoyed with each other......

as i climbed in to my car this morning on my own, my heart was so heavy
just knowing that that she is no longer here has taken away a huge chunk of Christmas joy for me
i trundled along hoping that she was right by my side even if i could not see her.

the shopping itself was an odd experience - i have become so used to having a huge selection of shops and craft markets to peruse
this year is sooooo different
i have made lots of purchases from Etsy and fellow bloggers, made a few gifts myself and visited the tiny amount of shops here

i am almost done
just got to find the time to wrap and send them down South.

the weather here is odd
for the last two mornings i have hung the washing outside
for cripes sake
this is Scotland in December!!

i fear that we will see no snow this Christmas, although we enjoyed the frost on the ground on our dog walk
we love seeing the whippets holding up one foot at a time when they have stopped to sniff something disgusting!

the cats on the other hand would not dream of setting foot outside

i started this post with a picture of our tree this year
(why can i not take a good picture of a Christmas tree?)

and i shall end it with our tree from last year
i do miss our little house and Aga
Stephen thinks i have nothing to miss
after all we have a sweet duck egg blue Rayburn here......

it just happens to be outside waiting for the house to be built

back soon



driftwood said...

your tree is lovely.
shopping must have been hard without Anne, but I hope it gets easier for you.

Barbara said...

I'm sorry you are missing your friend. Much is so hard at Christmas even though we try. Good wishes to you.

You might get snow yet. We hardly do down here in SW Scotland because of the Gulf Stream but still we hope. Very cold here though and the gritting lorries flying about the streets!

weebug said...

Your post as usual is lovely. I am hoping you can find moments of lightness, and because Anne is so much of your heart, she is still with you my friend.

Kat-in-a-flap. said...

Oh Tracy,I am sure that Anne is beside you in many of the things that you do.
You will often think what she would have said and hear the sound of her laughter,remember her advice,I feel my dad around me a lot and especially so at Christmas (my 2nd without him).
Loved ones never really leave us,they live on in our hearts and their memories warm cold days and their words stay with us to brighten dark hours.
Think of Anne and I am sure she will be with you always.
I wish you happy thoughts, Kat x

Jane said...

Yes, Christmas time is difficult when we lose someone close. 23rd December is always difficult for me. It is the day my Gran died 14 yrs ago, we were very close and I still miss her (though its not so painful now)

Kitty said...

That's a beautifully decorated tree. And I'm sure Anne IS with you (and Philip too) even though you can't see her. Take care of yourself :-) x

Pipany said...

I thought your pics of the trees were great; you should see mine! Sorry to hear about your friend but i bet she is with you all the way xx

Ragged Roses said...

Your trees are lovely Tracy. I hope you have a lovely Christmas in your new home - you deserve it. I'm sure your friend is by your side.

Joanna said...

I had to wait ages for my new rayburn with two raybunrns,(one not working) It took up a alot of space. Its so nice now the new one is working . I can understand why you miss your aga.

Meredith said...

What a beautiful tree! I admire your simplicity.