Sunday, 6 September 2009

two years

sorry for the lack of posts.....

i have been engulfed in my thoughts as the two year marker of the loss of my friend approached, arrived and passed....
the friend that i still miss, and no doubt will miss forever, the friend that was taken from me when i needed her the most...
i have a list as long as can be of questions i need to ask her, questions that could only be answered by her with her strong wit and endless wisdom..
the answers that she would give would be right for me as she knew me from the inside out, good and bad....
i need to be reminded of her great sense of fun, strong opinions, love of animals, incredible road rage, enormous generosity, compassion, endless friendship and above all the ability to make me see the good in my life and realise how very, very lucky i am.

i have been rather lost without her over the last two years
i often wonder if i ever realised what a truly special friend she was
a friendship that happens just once in a lifetime
i am lost without her

my inability to function over the last four days has told me that i am still grieving for my girl and it still hurts as if it was yesterday
but as i wallowed in my bed surrounded by an ever changing array of dogs and cats, with my dear stephen trying to force feed me i knew, just knew that if annie could see the sorry state i was in she would have roared with laughter and told me to pull on my wellies and get outside with the dogs....
instead i have just spent four days doing what was totally necessary and nothing else....
four days of wading through a fog that would not lift no matter how hard i tried
four days of reading book after book but not really taking in a word of them, just using them as an excuse to sit still, for moving and seeing and talking was just too painful

life has to go on
and so normal blogging will resume tomorrow

t x