Sunday, 19 October 2008

stress

i think i may have underestimated the amount of stress that building your own house can put on a relationship.

Stephen and i have been together since the age of 18 - we are now 36...... a long time.
i am a Cancerian so do tend to be rather moody and emotional on occasions whereas Stephen is a Virgo and is neither emotional or moody!
we both have long fuses when it comes to our temper - we both put up with a lot before we break - i break by shouting VERY loudly, Stephen keeps all his anger in - VERY unhealthy.

the building of Sea House has been a long, long road
the road i have travelled has been as more of an observer
Stephen has been involved everyday from day one
this has led to the stress build up - mine because i feel so detached from all that is going on, and Stephen because of the sheer amount of things that have to be done.

all of this has of course led to us having the most enormous argument at the beginning of the week - now i know couples argue but i can honestly say that until this moment Stephen had never even raised his voice at me....

it is now Sunday and all is fine - after two days of avoiding each other both wondering if our dream move to Scotland had in fact turned in to a nightmare, we have stepped back on to the road to the completion of Sea House - our home - together.

the shouting and screaming has cleared the air, made us both realise what we have been doing wrong, made us see through the fog of the build and sit back and realise how bloody lucky we are to be here.....

so
onwards and upwards
the long hard slog to be tucked up inside Sea House before the Winter sets in begins.....

***********

normal blogging will resume tomorrow!

t x

26 comments:

A Saucerful Of Secrets said...

Hi Tracy,I totally empathise with you, stress and frustration can have a miserable affect on a relationship.Hang on in there,it won't be long,you will both be celebrating in your lovely new dream home.Now I need to go and take some of my own advice,wish me luck....All the best to you both x

Kitty said...

It's lovely to see you back. I can only imagine the pressure you've both been under, what with builders, the weather, etc.

Fingers crossed you're now on the final leg of the project.

Hang on in there. x

trasha said...

Glad you have resolved things with Stephen. What doesn't break us makes us stronger, right?

jules said...

Brillant, I am so glad you are ok, stress is very under estimated. You have done so well, so keep it up.

love to you both

jules xx
the other member of the builders mates club

Heart in the country said...

We too built our own home, finally getting planning permission when I was pregnant and moving in when our eldest son was 3 months old - not ideal planning on our behalf, but it all turned out ok in the end and 19 years later we are still here.

Good luck and hang in there, once you have moved in all your stress will be forgotten.
Kx

pebbledash said...

Oh Tracy, so pleased you are ok, both of you, been thinking of you lots this last week...and respecting your privacy as comments were closed on last post. Just hang in there...the long haul to building and living in your new home is so so close.
Sending love and hugs,
Diana xx

Jan said...

Tracy, I'm a Cancer as well. I know how the top blows off the kettle when it boils.

My family still doesn't get it. I blow, they sulk. I finally had to post a sign in the kitchen: "Just because I'm pissed doesn't mean I don't love you. It means I'm pissed. End of story"

Hope you don't need a sign in your wonderful new house!

Glad to see you back.

Jan

Vintage to Victorian said...

Relief all round then! Pleased to read that you're back on track.

Sue x

weebug said...

i hope that this week brings a new perspective and a new beginning. i can only imagine the strses.

Willow said...

Hi Tracey, I'm so glad you're feeling better - yes, the stress must be unbelievable, but sometimes it's good to get it all out into the open and clear the air, isn't it. Be kind to yourselves, remember your dream and let your animals stay close & help take the stress away.
Willow x

Libbys Blog said...

I imagine its like moving house and you have both being doing this for well over a year, so a little 'steam venting' is allowed and at least you are on the same path again.
I look forward to following your dream!

Sophie said...

Hooray for a return to normal blogging by Cupcakes! You are usually so cheerful (in spite of all) that I was a wee bit concerned when I read your "stressed out" post. Glad to hear that you have cleared the air - it may not be a normal occurence for you, but I'm sure it has done you both the world of good!
Sophie x

Pipany said...

I almost emailed you Tracy but could see that you wanted your space for the moment and didn't want to intrude. Clearing the air is horrib;e but necessary sometimes and you will both pull all the closer for it. FGood luck my lovely xx

Gingham and Flowers said...

So glad to hear that all is well now. I have to admit that being a virgo I'm a bit of a bottler upper too and it's not healthy. I've always had relationships with no arguements and now I'm with Simon we do argue from time to time and I finally realise how healthy that is. It definitely clears the air and sorts everything out. And makes you a stronger couple I think. It's not surprising that building the house has caused you both stress. Just moving is a big enough deal, never mind building the house you'll move into! I totally sympathise as I lost my job unexpectedly on Friday so we've had a pretty stressy weekend. But we'll get through it because we have each other just as you will realise your dream together. Glad you are ok. x

Things Hand Made said...

glad to see you back. Life is tough at times, so enjoy the "making up"!

carolyn said...

Oh Tracy and Stephen stress is just the worse possible thing for everything. It's good that you had a shouting match and cleared the air, so to speak, hopefully it will help you both to deal with the stress of building.
Take care
Carolyn x

Bovey Belle said...

I'm an Aries, so have a very short fuse - but once I've blown my top, it's all over and done with. We moved to Wales from Dorset, having bought an old but - as we discovered - rather rackety Welsh farmhouse, and spent the next 16 years having two more children and doing the house up. We survived, but I can imagine it is difficult for you and your husband, especially when you are confined to the caravan whilst the house is being built.

Glad to see you back anyway.

BeachysCapeCodCupboard said...

I do feel for you! Stress certainly can try to get you down (and I speak from personal experience!), but you will have your beautiful home and your beautiful man and your beautiful animals around you for a long, long, long time!!!! I've known my hubby since I was 19, and whenever we argue, we ultimately let the dust settle so to speak, then we joke about it later (we are both Taurus, so some people say we had it coming!) lol

alice c said...

Tracy, you are such a generous person and spend so much time thinking about your animals and friends - make sure that you are kind to yourself too. Take care.

Fran├žoise said...

Hugs to both of you. Nothing worse that being so angry at the person you love the most.
You are creating a wonderful home and life, and will look back at these months of 'trouble and toil" with amazement, affection and gratitude.

nimblejacks said...

HI I'm hoping to cheer you up we've been there where you've been and I don't think when people sit at home watching Grand Designs they ever realzie just how hard it is! I always think the people who say they'd do another build aren't the ones like us who did it all themselves. Bar the elctrics we did everything from scratch on our barn. My hubby trained as an architect and now teaches but we still had no idea how hard it would be. 3 yrs in a caravan in the back of the property no washing machine when the water froze, frozen loo, exploding boiler that flooded all the caravan, frozen gas regulators so no heating!!! The joys I especially liked the hedgehogs that kept us awake at night under our room. We had burgalers the day before I went into labour at the barn as I was cutting floor insulation, not tools the whole lot went. We had a flood, bo pestilence though!! Eventually we moved in when Kiera was 3 months old with no shower or bath, half a lounge floor half a kitchen and one room with no roof, but it was home and so much better than a caravan!! Leo is now5 Kiera7 I have a garden, many arguments under our belt, many great memories with friends here, horrid neighbours who are moving yay it is worth it though, I love my house and it's part of us -our blood,sweat & tears we are knackered it was our 3rd child I say it took the stuffing out as much as childbirth I think. Visitors are just so amazed we did it all & I'm proud of us as you should be of you. Normal people argue sometimes, it's venting or you'd go BANG when stressed. Deep breath look around at what you've achieved and pat each other on the back, then have a nice glass of wine and a muffinxxx LCaire, andy, kiera and Leo in Wales

Tonia said...

I agree, it is good to see you back. Wow, I am sure the stress can be overwhelming at times. I haven't commented before but wanted to say I really admire you both for committing to such a project and to each other. Hang in there. Best wishes, tonia

mollycupcakes said...

Oh bless the both of you, it's always good to clear the air and it sounds like you both just needed to do so.
And now working together again you can see the way forward and the end of the road together.
Stronger than ever I'm sure.
Good luck sweetie, speak soon.
I'll pop your first lot of pegs in the post very soon.
long with our new Rochester address, yeay! no more crappy Chatham lol
Many hugs.
Catherine, Ben and the cupcakes x x

monkee maker said...

Sorry to read it's been so stressful for you both but I've just popped across to look at the pictures of your Sea House and I have to say .... it's SO going to be worth it!

Hang on in there.

x

kelly said...

I watch quite a few of these house building shows and the couples usually do have some serious arguements. I hope you can take some comfort from knowing you are not alone in that. So glad to hear that you are both feeling a bit better now. I can not imagine how stressed you both are and how unsettling the whole thing is but try to keep the end goal in sight. The day will come when you are finished with the house and the fun part ( interior decorating!) can begin.

Barbara said...

Glad to see you back blogging on my return from visit south.
My other half and I had a slow falling out after moving north 10 years ago. The sheer stress just got to us and it took us a while to get right again. I think it's strangely normal! Glad to hear that you're on an even keel again.

I love that your big boy wants to sleep in the house on that lovely day bed! Bx