Sunday, 7 September 2008

this past week has been a challenging one....

i knew the passing of the first year anniversary of Annie's death was always going to be hard, but i had not appreciated how hard.

each day leading up to it was like climbing a steep hill
waking on the day was like opening your eyes and trying to see through thick, thick fog
the days after left my body and soul feeling exhausted and empty

but the anniversary has passed and it is now over a year since i lost the closest friend i will ever know - it seems impossible to think that all this time has passed
thankfully i can still hear her voice and picture her smile - i know some people go through the awful panic of not being able to remember - i am not one of them


this is the post that i published on the day that Annie died - today was the first time that i have looked at it again - it all still rings true......

my girl has gone and left me.
are they the words from a song?

september 3rd 2007 my friend said goodbye to this world that we all gather on, and no doubt, marched on to the next.

she arrived in my life only a few short years ago - we met through dogs - she had two and i wanted twelve!

gradually a friendship developed
one of a closeness that never felt too close
one of so much laughter
one of rage and hissy fits
one of a deep understanding of what each of us felt and needed.

she was a fire cracker - ready to go off at any moment
she made me feel safe and scared all at the same time
never quite sure when she was about to voice her opinion loudly and make me want the room/shop/road to swallow me up!

she was a proud and stubborn woman who was my friend and now she has gone..

the sadness i feel takes my breath away and yet a deep anger lays just beneath the surface.

annie - my girl - i will always
dye my hair
remember lipstick and mascara
believe in myself
stop over worrying about the damn dogs!
love my boy forever
and take care of yours.

i love you girlie
and where ever you are don't take any crap from anyone!
t x


Katy said...

That's just a beautiful post, Tracy. My thoughts are with you today. I hope you can continue to remember the good times and not dwell on the sadness. Lots of love x

Ali said...

Difficult. Thinking of you.

julia said...

What a hard day for you, thinking of you.
Julia x

pebbledash said...

Been thinking of you so much, Tracy. Love and hugs, Diana x

Miles Away In France said...

Ahh, can't find the right words.

Sending hugs.

Racheal x

Kitty said...

Thinking about you (and Philip) x

Anonymous said...

I am sorry that such a wonderful person had to leave. I hope that as the days move forward and your home is lived in among the sea mists, you will find healing over your loss.

Have you heard from Philip? How is he doing during this time? It must be so devastating for him this time of year. And his dogs? Are they better and looking less for their mistress?

dottycookie said...

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and sending hugs.

jules said...

I remember it well, but we are all still here for you Tracy, just like we were at that time.

keep cheerful

love jules xx

Dragonfly said...

Anniversaries will always be hard.

Your words are just lovely.

Vintage to Victorian said...

We always wonder how and why the world continues after such a loss, but it does. I often check Mr Afterburn's blog but sadly no news of him. Hope he and his canine family are as OK as can be expected.

Sue x

the flour loft said...

i remember reading your post last year and feeling so sad... death is so difficult to comprehend ...and why such amazing people are taken away from us.
Thinking of you x

April said...

Thinking of you at this difficult time


April xx

mollycupcakes said...

Your in my thoughts honey and I'm sure Annie is with you each and everyday on your roller coaster of a new life in Scotland and probably saying chin up girl you're have a beautiful home soon. And laughting at the naughtiness of Dillon the devil ponny lol
And rejoicing in all you're lovely new stock and crafting items.
Thinking of you sweetie.
Lots of love,
Catherine x

The Devil Makes Work said...

My thoughts are with you Tracy, I feel your pain. I still have all this to come, but it's a big milestone that you have reached, so be proud of yourself.


mollycupcakes said...

Happy belated birthday to you Stephen, i hope you enjoyed your veggie BBQ.


Catherine and the cupcakes x said...

What a beautiful post - I'm so sorry for your loss but to have had a friend that you cared for so much was really a gift - we should all be so lucky. I know you'll treasure your memories and I hope they last you a lifetime. Nan

Things Hand Made said...


annie's abode said...

it is always so difficult at the anniversaries and other important dates occur to deal with losses of our loved ones.